Foreign men sound off on difficulties of having a Japanese wife

I wanted someone who was prepared – eager – to spend the rest of his life with me. If I seriously thought there was a good chance of the relationship going irreparably bad or thought that he thought so, we wouldn’t make it as far as marriage in the first place. I don’t need to be told I’m loved every day, but neither do I need to be told – even once – that I’m only here on sufferance so long as I behave meself.

Still, like all men, I too can’t resist those big, beautiful headlights, regardless of the likelihood of winding up splattered on the windshield. So don’t listen to me, because despite knowing all I know and having seen all I’ve seen, someday I’ll probably do the same damn thing, and marry a Japanese woman. Nor is Erick the guy whose Japanese wife held an 8-inch chef’s knife to his throat and threatened to murder him. And no, Erick’s not the guy whose wife forged his signature, sold their house in New Zealand without his knowledge, then took all the money and flew back to Japan. That’s Eric Without-a-K. I know it’s confusing.

Now that more about it on we have raked the women over the coals, let’s go after the men who are impossible at housework, adulterous, drunken an whose words to the wive are limited to “shut up.” I guess my only adivice is to realize that your wife is your wife, and the sexual problem is your and hers problem. If you just “pull the plug” you may just find yourself in five or ten years with “the same kind of” wife. Its very possible she doesn’t feel sexy anymore. With the pregnancy, and the baby, and the breast feeding. And though that was over a year ago, once that pattern sets in, ya got to work at restarting the flame.

  • They have caring nature, so they become great mothers and wives.
  • We have two kids and she makes the effort to have enthusiastic sex with me 2-3 times a week.
  • It is typical for a bride to enter with her father and then be “given away” to her husband—an exchange that usually involves bowing and shaking hands.
  • After the Meiji period, the head of the household was required to approve of any marriage.
  • Approximately one-in-five marriages in pre-modern Japan occurred between households that were already related.
  • The Ministry of Japan revealed the outline of an amendment for the Civil Code of Japan on February 18, 2016.

I gotta say that living here, yeah, that kind of makes sense. Western men may think they want to marry a Japanese woman, when what they’re really attracted to is a woman who looks Japanese, even seems Japanese, but without the overbearing cultural baggage. There’s Japanese, and then there’s Japanese, and it pays to know the difference. Your odds of a successful union improve if your fiancé has studied abroad, speaks English, or has watched every episode of Sex and the City. Show that picture to your new love interest, and if she says, “What’s with the dog cone for trees? Alternately, if she starts Japansplaining about how “we Japanese value harmony” or some such bullshit, you need to back slowly away. Of course, one could argue the Japanese concept of marriage is at least pragmatic, and in that, has some advantages over the rose-colored Western version.

Regions of Japan

I have been shocked quite a few times already by people marrying despite not even having a mutually understood third language. But back on topic, the first time I heard a Japanese woman say “I don’t like sex,” I was shocked.

The Evolution of Marriage in Japan

These are all signs of successful marriages in Japan, and they’re reason for jealousy if one spouse does it in front of the other spouse for someone else. (And I speak with the authority of personal experience here.) Even my mother-in-law was embarrassed beyond words when I let her know that I’d paid some serious attention to several of her calligraphy scrolls. My relationship with my father-in-law has never quite recovered from a couple of innocent, standard compliments I paid her. Details are important, and paying attention to details is crucial in starting and keeping a strong personal relationship with Japanese. This is a very interesting question, and I’m glad to have a chance to offer my ideas. It’s been my good fortune to live in northern Japan since 1989, and I still feel as if every day is a learning experience.

For most there is little opportunity to meet new people, or be introduced to a potential marriage partner. So it has become common for a Japanese girl looking for marriage to register with a marriage agency. So to find a Japanese wife who you can enjoy a long happy marriage with, be open in your communication with about the future, about expectations, during your time dating.

They in turn become pretty uptight and a lot of them secretly despise men. So I would be curious if he was serious and if so, how he copes with this state of marriage. For me “no sex” or “very rarely” sex would be enough of a reason to leave that woman. Threw my air Jordans out of the living room window….we live on the sixth floor. Hopefully you’ve also read Ken’s book, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

It also saw stricter, more codified laws and belief systems about marriage and cheating, especially for Japanese women. This may have been due to the influx of Western thinking and repressive ideas about a woman’s role within a relationship. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge and understanding I have now, before we got married. I probably had set my expectations too high for marrying a Japanese woman, and I wasn’t mature enough to realize that it wasn’t going to be any better or worse than marrying a woman from another culture. It is the women that seem to make all the rules about not using the dryer or stepping onto the floor with shoes or leaving a wet towel on the table etc. hence the two way street doesn`t exist.

As a single person, hold a door once for a single Japanese of the gender you find more attractive, and you may cause him or her to blush. When it comes to dating and marriage, it seems as though there is still a very strong ritual to go through before it becomes serious.

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